Benda has been riding her dragon for years now (Tony said she also had a broomstick for night time) and I finally picked up the courage to go near it... only to find dragon rather than breathing fire; actually breathed GRASS! HORRAH! Now I am Dragons best friend and follow dragon round the edge of my field every time I see him. I don't think I will tell the others about this as it's ALL MINE! MINE I TELL YOU! I am sure Tony would agree as he said whatever belongs to Girls belongs to them; and whatever belongs to boys is theirs too...

As We have all been busy getting ready for some upcoming competition I have been having a lot of extra schooling time. As a result of this I have been forced to go past those horse eating monsters that live in the cages near the trees. Bugs calls these monsters "Guinee Pigs" which is a really odd name for something so evil... I just know they are there... I can see the eyes sometimes and hear their squeaking... They are in fact so dangerous they are kept in cages to protect us horses; which is a good thing I guess.

I am no fool and know when something is up these days; Sophie always sneaks me some extra food in the mornings and I get even more treats.

Tony; also eager to get "involved" in getting me ready on the fateful day offered to plait me which we all knew was going to end in disaster.

I suspected that I was going to look a complete idiot if he did actually manage to plait me so I took it upon myself to save the day and I wriggled and shuffled as much as possible until, after a few choice "French" words, he gave up. I was, however, left looking like a Unicorn (the picture was too embarrassing to post here) and only one miserable tangle had actually managed to hang onto my neck.

Sophie, when she had stopped laughing, saved the day and got me looking handsome and I think Frangelico was giving me the eye when Sophie was done.

Tony, being in disgrace as usual, was relegated to fetching box and I was transported to Mac Lanes.

Sophie felt sorry for Tony and allowed him to be the groom for the day so I figured it was going to be an interesting day for everyone. As expected Tony was hopeless and even managed to put my girth on backwards which was fortunately spotted before any harm was done.

So; I was called on to strut my stuff for two whole days and Strut I did...

I was AWESOME! and I was sure I had won everything; only to find out the judges were looking the wrong way when I strutted my stuff... SECOND/SECOND and THIRD which by some miracle made myself and Sophie Champion; again!... with Tony as honerary "groom"

My results are here under Autumn Champs 2017 Results

It was like Xmas for me as I got some new clothes as you can see.. and what's more they fitted perfectly this time.... AWESOME...

But going out a thrid time on the last day for "prizegiving" was just exhausting as you can see from my photos:

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Tony was trying his hardest to sneak into the presentation, as expected, and made some lame excuse about "holding" me when Sophie went to collect Frangelico's prize.

I did, however, make sure he didn't come with Sophie and me for our moment of glory by a carefully placed poop on his best clothes.

I have a suspicion that Tony is getting delusions of grandeur as he managed to get me round the "short" side in counter-canter and this worries me; but more on this next time...

Anyhow, keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds people.

Hellsy.

I have gone to war with my staff...

To get my staffs attention I have had to resort to louder and louder kicking of the door and when, eventually, they do come to see me I motion expectantly at the hay net or to the field where my friends were waiting.

I think they are actually choosing to mis-understand me... wandering off whilst muttering some French at me as they go (they think I can't hear; but with ears this big.. I sure can!).

Being a "patient" sort (I put up with Tonys riding don't I); I upped the door kicking with additional gesticulations (jogging on the spot) when they turn up

The war with my staff has now escalated with them putting up "welcome" mats to stop me kicking... How am I going to "call" them now? I cannot believe the audacity and will be taking this up with the management.

Now... Stress levels were rising on the yard... I can tell this as Tony was being told off more than usual... so I knew something was a-hoof...

Finally on a rather pleasant day, whilst Pippi, the retarded poodle, was chasing butterflies and birds and keeping us all entertained (there is something seriously wrong with that dog), I saw both "boxes" arrive and get filled with stuff (a lot of stuff!).

Myself and the nightmare were dragged down to the yard and put into our respective boxes and off we went...

Usually the journey to Mac Lanes is quite short; but this journey was incredibly long... and incredibly tiring... as box never seemed to travel in any direction for longer than 10 seconds. According to Bugs this was mainly down to Tonys bad driving of course; but for once I have to support him as from what I could see we were driving along the edge of cliff the whole way...

After what seemed an eternity, going via Blenheim and staying the night with Tessa and her family and going across a big lake, we ended up in a rain forest (it must have been a rain forest as the rain was truly never ending!)

As the hours and days progressed I sank lower and lower into the mud and I am sure at one point I was literally going to disappear... and to make matters worse; my normal ploy of standing on Tonys foot for attention was scuppered as I could not even see his foot through the mud!

Sophie was a star and tried to brave the weather and compete me; but doing dressage in "that" rain was "like doing ballet in pit boots".

Girls girls girls... Tony fancies himself as a bit of a "ladies man" and I though it was a good time to teach him a lesson so, since I was next to the nightmare, and she was desperately unhappy as her postage stamp of dry ground was getting smaller by the second and her nails were getting ruined, I would come to her rescue... The plan worked fabulously and here we are "necking" (not suitable for smaller foals):

This kind of backfired though as I fell head over heels in love with her and two other mares I was put next to... to the extent that I nearly broke down the fences every time they were taken away... I knew girls were trouble... so be warned!

Sadly Franny could not compete (I think it was due to a broken nail and there was no beautician nearby) but me and Sophie put in some good tests and I got some big flower things (Bates Rosettes) stuck on me... Tony said I came 5th and 6th in the world; but Bugs said it was only Nationals and not to listen to "the idiot"...

The trip back was just as incredibly long and exhausting and, as I collapsed out of box, I stood firmly on Tonys foot until he promised that we would never never nerver never never nerver never never nerver never never nerver never never nerver do that journey again... until they open the coastal route again...

This red blob turned out to be Benda (Granny) looking for the little white things that pop up mysteriously, in the fields. We horses have no idea what she does with them, as they are not very appetising and generally avoided. This strange behaviour had been going on and off for months until the "mad granny" incident.

One morning there was a lot of scurrying about on the yard with Bugs flapping about; leading to the arrival of what was called an ambulance. Benda that was put into the back of the ambulance for what looked a sleep (as she was lying down) and off it went, followed closely by Bugs and Tony.

It turns out Benda had been into some strange mushrooms (whilst trying to tell everyone that a certain mushroom was just "off"). The next day when Benda came back to the yard; she was looking much better.

I have decided to stomp on any of those little things that pop up in my field as Benda is good to me as she brings me heaps of carrots she grows in her garden.

We all had a good laugh when Linda (Sophie’s Mom) supplied Benda with a tin of mushroom soup for xmas and Benda went a funny shade of green.

Schooling continues with those pirouette things and they are getting smaller and smaller and smaller (it's like I am spinning round on a plate) but the smaller the circle the more sugar cubes I get; so I try my hardest.

Luckily I got a reprieve as the "ave a go day" was held and schooling relaxed, a lot, as Tony was allowed more time, riding me, to "get ready". We practised and practised till I knew the test backwards and the big day came.

Tony got "worked in" by Sophie and we went flying into the ring and the first thing that happens was that Tony forgot the test! I try very hard to pull him round the corner to help him remember and even Sooo, who was reading for Tony, hops up and down and screams "X"!... I have NO idea where Tony’s head was at (probably looking at some cute girl as normal) but I just wish he would leave the thinking (like remembering the test) to me.

When he finished the test; there was a round of applause for me for saving the day; I honestly don't know what Tony would do without me... I think I can appreciate the frustration that Sophie has trying to teach Tony.

Tony seemed very happy "with himself" though and was showing everyone some piece of paper and gesticulating

Speaking of happiness; I do think Tony actually is right about one thing...

Tony says when he was growing up, which must have been a long time ago, expectations were realistic (and in some cases there were no expectations at all) and people, especially children, were a lot lot happier. You go from one realistic goal to the next; instead of failing to fulfil the huge goal on a daily basis and feeling miserable all the time.

Tony says that the country of Bhutan measures GDH (Gross Domestic Happiness); which is something I find fascinating as it will mean there will be a lot of sugar cubes in Bhutan and I definitely need to visit!

Gross National Happiness

Acting on his mandate to move Bhutan into the 21st century, Prime Minister Tshering Tobgay is transforming his nation — while maintaining its "Gross National Happiness."
Ted Talk - Tshering Tobgay - Prime Minister of Bhutan

Tshering Tobgay - Prime Minister of Bhutan

It does however appear that I may have shot myself in the foot by being Level 1 Champion as I must have done enough to be off with "the nightmare", and Sophie, to nationals.

It seems it's going to be a long trip as box is getting a wash and I have lots of flash new gear to wear which is just AWESOME as long as I can keep Ferring from ripping bits off it.

I will be sure to keep you all informed as to how it all goes...

Anyhow, keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds people.

Hellsy.

There was, as usual, huffing and puffing with Bugs telling Tony off and Tony apologising; so situation normal... but this was night after night at both 2am and 4am in the morning. What was stranger was Tony and Bugs seemed to have light coming out of their heads and if you can picture Tony looking at Bugs and blinding her and Bugs looking at Tony and blinding him then you can imagine everyones amusement. I could not resist it and convinced Vinny to have her foal 3 weeks late AND in the middle of the afternoon.

Foalie, when he arrived, was very cute and the humons all seemed very interested; making the most rediculous noises whenever Foalie stood//coughed/fell/drank or even moved at all! This MUST be a humon thing.

Within days Foalie was into everything! and mommy Vinny was running round after him and looking very stressed by the whole thing... I remember the days with mommy Whisky well :) ahhh... memories...

There was, however, one very strange episode where Tony appeared with the foal in his arms with mommy Vinny following behind; but as us blokes have learned.. don't go near the mares (especially the NightMare NoFranny!)... so I never found out what that was all about. I had to have a chuckle thinking about him trying that with me... as even when I was foal my head was so large that when I stopped too quickly my back legs came up off the ground and nearly went over my head (Bugs laughing at me was so hurtful!)... I have no doubt if Tony had tried to pick me up then he would have totally collapsed under my weight.... but I HAVE to remind you.. I am not fat; I am big boned.. OK!

So... time marches on and the yard was a hive of activity with lots of music being played and the girly mares having to dance to it. Then the attention turned to me when they decided to "trim" me. The words "good boy this won't hurt a bit" is always a prelude to things hurting; so I started to squirm and stomp... trying desperately to plant my feed on Sophies foot... She must, however, be getting smart as she nimbly sidesteps every "accidental" attempt these days...

First, my wings were clipped and then removed! I have NO idea HOW I am supposed to "float like a butterfly" without those.. but WORSE my hair (mane) was attacked. I am now nearly as bald as Tony! How am I ever going to get to be a mare-aniser, like Tony, without my flowing locks; I don't know....

The tension was still mounting and then one morning, suspiciously, Tony came to get me really early (with carrot!)... and then BOX... As I was half asleep I didn't have time to mount a defence... and off the “Mac lanes” we went.

We arrived and I was "released" from box, so had to put a quick step onto Tonys foot just to make up for the ambush tactics that morning. Success! and for that I was tied to Truck and ignored for a while.

I was then tacked up and went off to Strut with Sophie! I got my sugars and few pats and the extra sugars that Tony sneaks to me and finally back to Box to "rest".

Now I know what "hurry up and wait" really means... Zzzzz.... I was gettign bored so time for some fun I figured.

Tony, being about as Horsey as a brick, had tied me upwind, with a full haynet, so for the next hour I proceeded to wait till people sat down and then I took a HUGE mouth of hay and blew into the hay net... PERFECT! I must have covered at least three of the people and one or two cups of tea with "bits" in the first attempt. I looked innocent and munched away and waited... people sat down and relaxed and when I could see they were all ready to drink their tea again.. BLOW!... This proceeded a few times until I was "removed" by Tony who tried, in vain, to say it was not his fault.

Finally, I got to strut again... and this was repeated almost the same the next day, apart from Tony had arranged proper accommodation for me... a stable...

Towards the end of the second day and after my fourth Strut I didn't get untacked. I was instead put into a mini-skirt!!! and dragged back into something called a prizegiving. I swore I would talk to the management if they EVER made me wear a Tutu; but this nearly as bad:

There was lots of talking and I took my place at the front (avoiding NoFranny!, who was also there, by quite a margin; of course) and soaked up some applause... I could get used to this.

Tony was chattering to Brugs and Sophie, who were not listening as usual, but everyone seemed very pleased with themselves.

By the way I was treated to sugars and pats when we got back to Box; I think I may have finally have made everyone realise they don't own me... they are my Staff!

Tony says I won something called Level 1 Champion or something like that.

Anyhow, keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds people.

Hellsy.

I have managed to get Tony wrapped around my little finger when dealing with sugar, mind you; most of the mares (especially Franny and Vinny), have done this too.

Stand still whilst he tacks me up – sugar!

Stand still at the mounting block while he tries to get on me – sugar!

End of the schooling when I halted at X – sugar! (I must admit I stop and whip my head around so quickly I think Tony will end up flying off the front at some point – I hope someone gets it on camera).

Also, whenever Tony says “well done” I usually “try it on’ to see if I get a sugar then too.

Sadly I have found the flaw in the plan, and this has led to things getting more serious…and this concerns Sophie!

Sophie, is a bit less of a walkover when it comes to sugar…Women! (as Tony would say).

I actually have to work to get a sugar…and what is more concerning is that I have to do movements correctly (sigh).

Worse; Sophie keeps adding in more and more weird stuff involving all sorts of gesticulations of my limbs.

We are doing all sorts of weird things like walk, trot and cantering in “teeny tiny” circles – Sophie calls them “pirouettes”.

Worse; we are now starting skipping! SKIPPING… what next?

Sophie tries to make skipping seem important by calling it “changes”.

The final insult is that I have a tendency to do trotting on the spot when I get excited and Sophie has made me do this a few times in the field; something called piffpaff and she gets quite excited about it…this was my party piece and I am sure she is going to take all the credit for it (sigh).

Anyhow; if all this carries on; i’ll be wearing a tutu and doing Swan Lake next (I will be lodging a complaint with management about this)!

I am so NOT a princess and I will be keeping you updated on this most ungentlemanly like behavior as it progresses.

As for Tony; he has been trying to learn the difference between power and speed.

I don’t know what the problem is… speed means “go for it” and I expect Tony to hang on as I zooooooom around the school; and power is something I hold am kinda hiding for when my cart arrives (Bugs keeps saying I should be pulling one; so I think one is coming soon’ish and I will need my strength).

Poor Tony has no idea; and just resorts to “pram pushing” (according to Bugs) no matter what I do anyhow; as you can see…

The only silver cloud is that as Tony is barely, STILL, getting the correct diagonal; he will not be involved in any of the “clever” training Sophie is making me do for quite a while; small mercies!

Anyhow, keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds people.

Hellsy.

You would think humans would take the time to find out all about us horses; after all you make better staff for us that way and we may behave far better.

Anyhow, back to my teeth. This horrendous teeth condition was accompanied by pain and not pain that I could eliminate by biting BK’s rug (the remedy for most things in the field). So, I tried desperate measures… I sneaked up behind BK and munched on his tail.

As usual; I had not thought this through (which could be because I have about as much self control as Tony) and by the next morning BK had barely any tail left. I, of course, put my “it wasn’t me” face on (I am getting very good at this one).

Suspicion was deflected to JK (John Key)…unfortunately, after some investigation, it was found JK was not even in Christchurch that night, so suspicion fell back on me and, with a few strands of tail hanging from the side of my mouth, I was busted.

All I can say, in my defense, is that if someone lets their tail be eaten then they deserve to have it chewed off.

Next up was more of this schooling stuff…LOTS of it (thankfully not by Tony; but more of that later…).

This schooling led to “road trips” called an “outing”. To my shock this “outing” was NOT to Uncle Berts, but was, in fact a much longer trip to somewhere called “Mac lanes”.

On arrival…oh my God! LOTS MORE friends to say “Hi” to! As I was coming out of Box the excitement overwhelmed me, hooves were flailing in all directions, and I proceeded to tow Tony straight off to see some of these new friends. So much for this plan- as the shock and awe on the faces of the so called friends caused me to stop in my tracks and allowed Tony to get up off the floor. As Tony says (but doesn’t actually do), most days, “I need to go to the gym”. Look- it’s not that I am big; I am just big boned you know…

So, plan B, Tony tried to tie me to box but I was having none of it; I was here to be the centre of attention (or else why would I be there) and I was going to be just that. I managed to tip over the table twice and a few chairs before Bugs told Tony in quite a high voice to “take me away”. This, I assumed, was code for “let’s go meet everyone” so off I went again around to see all the other horses, but this time at a more sedate pace.

Tony finally got me back to Box, out came the tack and Sophie clambered on top of me. I got poked and prodded and ended up at another sand pit and got schooled again.

I really don’t get why this sand pit was any different from the one at home, but I obliged as I was interested to see where this was leading. Finished! But no… I am poked and prodded into yet another sand pit (it must be a human, and cat, thing to like these sand pits) and this time I had an audience, so time to SSSSsssssTRUT!

That went well, and I think I impressed everyone, so off we went back to Box. After a quick wash, and some gesticulations from Sophie and Bugs (something to do with staring at something in their hands) it came to load time. This had been a great outing and I am sure there are a few friends I had not managed to meet yet so I planted my feet firmly in the grass and would not budge (he he) But then…they bought out FOOD! The next minute my mouth, and the rest of me that follows, was in Box and heading home.

And now things have not got even more serious! but that’s for next months update.

Anyhow, keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds people.

Hellsy.

I am already quite famous- I appeared in a well known New Zealand magazine as a foal.

I have a field mate called BK. He is kind of cool and laid back and he taught to me to run to the gate when any human shows up as they probably have food! Thanks to him I just get so excited about food that I always forget that after the food comes some sort of work! I must admit it was funny, as a youngster, having Tony run round the field with rope, after me, but he can thank me for losing so much weight!

I have other friends at the yard that I will talk about later including Vinny, who thinks she owns the place, and a princess called NoFranny! who I think does own the place as everyone is always running around after her and calling her name very loudly. When she appears in the stables everyone seems to do exactly what she wants. I keep well clear of her as us blokes always say the wrong thing and I don’t want to be on the wrong side of her. Fortunately she stays up in the top yard with all the other girls who seem to do all the girly prancing in the school.

Life here is great. My staff are quite proficient; I’m rugged when it is cold and wet, I have hay delivered when the grass is hiding from me- I even have my staff fetch me into my lovely dry, warm stable most days so I can eat my special food, sleep and deposit my droppings into the poo catching bucket (I think Tony calls it an automatic waterer) in the corner. I know Brenda can’t wait to scoop out the poo for her plants; so I try very hard to save as much as I can and leave it for her.

But then things changed for the worse soon after my third birthday…

First of all I had to suffer the indignity of being stuffed in the back of a box on wheels and then taken to Uncle Berts. Then it got worse- I had Sophie, one of my own staff members, actually sit on my back, poking me. HOW HUMILIATING!

I didn’t think this silly poking and prodding would last but, to my horror, things have got worse…

Schooling!

This is something that should be avoided at all costs… but I have found a way to minimise this affront to my dignity. Now when I have had my morning sleep in my stable, frequently rudely interrupted by NoFranny! stomping about, I have to then stay on the floor and snore as loud as horsely possible, pretending to be asleep, in the hope that I am overlooked when it comes to my turn to have schooling.

If I can keep this up for a few hours, or at least until, NoFranny! has gone into the school, then I know I will be put back into my field and be safe for the rest of the day. However; if the staff see, for a moment, that I am not actually asleep then that’s it…game over…schooling!

The highlight of the month, however, was when Tony, whom occasionally sits on my back and makes everyone in the yard laugh (I assume it’s at him!), decided to move me and BK to another field whilst he and Zippy moved the irrigator into our field. All was going well until we were attacked by NoFranny! when she saw us moving towards her field. BK and I had to escape the night-mare very quickly! Tony, at this stage was being towed behind me and BK into the intended field and what came out of his mouth cannot be repeated in polite company. Tony finally managed to get BK loose but it took a few turns around the field with Tony grass skiing until I finally let him unclip me.

Tony was very cross with NoFranny! but again I don’t want to repeat that French here.

I don’t know what Grand Prix means… Tony keeps telling me my daddy was Grand Prix, but Brugs called Tony a Grand Prix when she came out to see that the commotion was in the paddock.

Anyhow… Keep your feet on the grass and your head in the clouds.

Hellsy.